I suspected this:
Parents rationalize the economic cost of children by exaggerating their parental joy.
A new study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, suggests that parents create rosy pictures of parental joy as a way to justify the huge investment that kids require.
While I have no doubt that the parent-child relationship is especially strong and potentially very fulfilling, when hearing many a parent speak I have sensed an element of "making the best of things." Why? The "things" of parenting include not only joys, but hardships of the emotional, social, and financial varieties.
It's a classic case of cognitive dissonance, of holding two, non-compatible concepts in your mind at once. 1) I love my child, 2) I dislike losing sleep, time, money, etc. The result: 3) rationalizations such as, "Parenting is hard, but it's so fulfilling."
Of course, parents aren't unique in their rationalizing ways. We all do it when we invest in something and the results aren't good, in whole or part. "I lost a ton of money and broke my leg when learning to parasail, and never really achieved success, but it was a good lesson. And I met some interesting people."
And while such rationalizations are somewhat dishonest, they can be equally smart. All things being equal (which they never are), it is more sane to choose a happier delusion -- accentuating the positive -- over a more depressing truth.
Tags: cognition, mental health, parenting
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