In the King James version of the Bible, Exodus 13:21 reads,
And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night.
Here’s how I expected the passage to continue: And the Lord went before them by weekend in a tree which sneaketh from one side of the trail to the other. The Lord had gone before them in a boulder, but he got sitteth upon, so he switched to the tree, the fire, the cloud, and, on special occasions, the talking Afflac duck.
Two chapters later the identity of this mysterious operative is revealed:
The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name. (Exodus 15:3)
The Lord is a man? Toto, did you hear that? Go to the curtain. Pull, Toto, pull!
Yah, with all his secrecy, his sneaking around, and his invisible whispering in the ear of the Israelite army generals, he certainly seems like a man of war. But I beg to differ about the name. This Lord’s name ought to be Sybil. For he is a loving god, an angry god, a god of the Jews, a god of the Jews and Gentiles, a god who demands you to get circumcised, a god who changes his mind about circumcision, etc., etc., etc.
Today’s civilized believers prefer to keep the “man of war” side of the Almighty Sybil (he of a divinely split-personality) in the closet, to be recruited only when it comes to squabbles over land or other conflicts with thine enemies. But he is still there, lurking. What else does a god do but lurk out “there,” just beyond sight? But you can kinda feel him, can’t you?
For those who said “yes,” I would suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist real soon. No, not because you sense a god lurking out of sight in the clouds or darkness or shrubbery, but because while you were sleeping the CIA implanted a computer chip into your brain.
You can feel that, too. If you want.
[cartoon thanks to atheistcartoons.com]
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Tags: atheism, Bible, Sunday Un-Sermon
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