The pop psychology answer to why bullies will mercilessly pick on other kids — frequently those smaller than them and with few friends — is that deep down inside the bully feels bad about him or herself: alone and worthless. And maybe even wants to be loved by their victim. And so they lash out.
But no, that’s not the answer. First, the low self-esteem bit. Not true. In fact, if anything, the opposite is more likely the case. Second, bullies do have friends. And these friends often smile upon and reinforce the bullying. [for basic info, see Children Who Bully, put out by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services]
Now the findings of a new longitudinal study (tracking individuals over time) into bullying are helping to further clarify the picture. In the most recent issue of Child Development we learn of work conducted by researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands. Some of their findings include:
. . . most bullies are motivated by the pursuit of status and affection. [bold added; source]
Interestingly and quite relevantly, the previously mentioned government source listed “dominant” as one of the characteristics of the bully.
And this from the Dutch study:
bullies generally choose to gain status by dominating their victims. But at the same time, they try to reduce the chances that they’ll end up on the outs with other classmates by choosing as victims children who are weak and not well-liked by others. In short, even bullies care a lot about others’ affection and don’t want to lose it.
Interesting. Very interesting.
It seems to me that individuals will attempt to gain acceptance/affection and status — the later a social currency derived from the former — through the means available to them. For those children who lack skills in other areas (intellectual, athletic, pro-social) how else are they to climb the pedestal of social opinion and stay there?
Wait a minute! You might say. Bullies aren’t liked. While that is true if we add the qualifier “by many” or “by outsiders” or even “by society at large” the social group that ultimately matters is the one an individual “trades” in.
In a loosely related manner, I used to wonder why so-called “gangstas” dressed up in a way I considered ridiculous. Paints on the floor, looking like fools with their pants on the floor. Etc. But that perspective is one of an outsider. Gangstas dress as they do because it is looked upon favorably by their peers. And that’s what matters. Peers.
And who’d-a-thunk, even bullies care about what other people think, when we recognize that “other people” are their circle of peers, whatever size that circle may be.
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Tags: self-esteem, status
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